Let it Flow


Here is what you missed:

Mom. Old. Fraudulent activity. New checking account. Change info with utilities. Strike Out.

I had no luck in changing the billing information with my mom’s cellphone company. I figure when they don’t get paid in two months they’ll find a solution fairly quickly. So I moved on. Next call, Water and Sewer. This one will be short.

ME: “Hi. Blah blah fraudulent checks. blah blah calling for Mom. Blah need to give you new checking account information.

THEM: “Great. I’m happy to take that information.”

So, I read them the information. Then…

THEM: “OK, so go ahead and mail us a voided check and we will get that set up.”

ME: “What?”

THEM: “We need a voided check to change the account.”

ME: “Didn’t I just give you that info?”

THEM: “Yes, but we need the voided check to verify the account.”

ME (blood pressure already in the unsafe zone): “It’s 2018. You are telling me that you need a PAPER CHECK sent through the US POSTAL SERVICE to verify an account for AUTOMATIC ELECTRONIC BILLING?”

THEM: “Yes. Or you can fax it to us.”

Arizona. Where Technology Goes to Die.



Eight Six Seven Five Three Oh Nah-eeh-ah-ine


Rushing home, I logged into email, clicked on the link provided by Revizon and, angels singing, setup online access for my mother’s cell phone account.

I was so excited that this was finally coming to an end. I had been trying for the better part of SIX hours to change billing information. I had thought I would spend ten minutes TOPS resolving this.  I still had six or seven more direct billers that I had to contact.

We will verify your identity by sending a six digit code to the phone number on file.

Wait! What? No! No, no, no , no, no! This was supposed to be the solution to that.  Scroll, scroll, read, scroll  OR we can send the code to the email account on file. YES! that’s what I want. Email me baby!

Email received. Click on link. Complete registration. Done, done, and done.

Update Account> Update billing information>

I’m starting to sweat I am so excited to finish this.


What the actual fuckity-fuck? Are you kidding me? Scroll, scroll, read, scroll…


Thanks to all that is holy. Select.


i. give. up.

Can You Hear Me…NOW?


To bring you up to speed…new checking account, contact billers to switch account, easy-peasy. Hours on the phone with Verizo…er…Revizon. At the end of it all the solution was to text a code to my mom’s phone, which does not receive text messages.

So… I implored the lovely lady from Financial Services that there had to be another way. I understand that this type of change needs to be verified. But I’m not changing anything about the service, I’m just trying to provide a new account for them to pull the monthly bill. Don’t they want to get paid?

She had an epiphany! I could read her the new routing and account information, she will then pay NEXT MONTH’s bill in advance using the new account, and then – magically – the system will recognize the new account.

Nope. But at least next month’s bill is paid.

I could hear the crack of electricity as a new thought hit her like a Motorola DynaTAC. “I will add YOUR email address to the system so you can create an online account. THEN, you can go online and make the changes!” She was SO excited. I was excited. Some customers standing in the store making bets on how this would be resolved were excited!

I gave her my email address. I immediately saw (on my phone – it is 2018 after all) that I had received an email from Revizon. I figured I needed a bigger screen to finish this. I thanked everyone, ran out of the store and dashed home. I gave myself a mental high-five for finally having a resolution to this issue.

The guy betting against me was grinning. He knew he had a safe bet.

I Break with Thee


It shouldn’t be this hard to give someone money.

My mother’s checking account is filled with thousands of dollars of fraudulent charges. Scum and villainy preying on the elderly…Tech Service contracts for a woman who doesn’t have internet, Repair My Credit scams, Medical Insurance consultancy fees. I’m sure all were agreed to without her even realizing what she was doing. Heck, if you’re a kind voice on the other end of the line she’ll give you her SS# and the keys to the house.

So, I opened up a new checking account in her name and began contacting the legitimate businesses that direct bill to give them the new account information. This should be easy. I set aside an hour at lunch. Three days later I have only successfully switched ONE account. One.

Let’s start with her mobile phone service…I’ll call them Revizon.

My mom has an ancient flip phone. ANCIENT. She doesn’t want a smart phone. She wants to play Snake(?). She wants familiar, the feel of a button being pressed, the satisfying flip to answer a call. She does not text, nor is her phone set up to send or receive texts. This is important when trying to do anything in 2018. It is this simple fact that has resulted in me spending one hour and 12 minutes on the phone with Customer Service and then Financial Services, 56 minutes in a Revizon store while the adorably befuddled sales guy sat on hold with Financial Services, and an additional 26 minutes with me on the line with them. You better believe I timed this.

The end result is there is no end result. This is still not resolved. I am powerless because the only way to instigate this change is online. I should say online using the code that they will text to my mother’s phone. Which doesn’t receive text messages.

Oh, there’s more…